In which a photo will not be posted…
I am struggling today.
I really don’t know why, other than the fact that I am missing the rainy place again. I have a lot of friends here, and I love my house. But I miss my home and I miss my family.
Sitting here at my kitchen table, surfing the web while I nurse the baby with Sugar sitting outside delighting in covering our porch and her pants with mud, I feel like I should be happy. As the sun streams into our house and our kitty basks in it, I know this should be a perfect moment.
And yet, it isn’t.
Sugar decides to come in, covered in dirt, so I am forced to detach Spider from the bosom and help her in. I am very much tempted to flash my exposed self straight into the backyard and at any neighbors that might be looking or walking through our backyard. Would they ever say anything to me if I did? Probably not, but I better not risk it.
I don’t necessarily need advice, I just need… something. I would love to have your prayers.
What is wrong with me? I can’t tell if these pains of missing home and family are just coming from my own lack of optimism shortcomings or if they are coming from God, who is trying to tell me that I need to move again. Or am I just being tried and tested?
praying for you.
Comment by emily — April 16, 2007 @ 10:02 pm
One thing that I find that helps me when I feel like this is to give myself a week or two to “fake it til I make it”. I try to find every little thing I can that’s positive about the situation and really appreciate it.
Comment by Jamie — April 17, 2007 @ 1:35 pm
Just know you are not alone. Did you notice Heavenly Father let it rain last night for a few minutes. Everytime it rains, I open the window a little and let it remind me that no matter how alone I feel, Heavenly Father knows that I need a little rain. It helps us Washington flowers grow. You are in my prayers too.
Comment by Amber — April 17, 2007 @ 9:40 pm