I love Thanksgiving.  I love the turkey, the stuffin’, the green bean casserole.  I love how it takes people all day to prepare a meal that disappears in about 15 minutes.  I love not having to be involved in any of the preparations, but the downfall of no leftovers is kind of a bummer. 

Most of all, I love my quirky extended family.

We held the event at my aunt and uncle’s home this year.  The food was fantastic.  I lost my cell phone.

It happened this way, my Grandma was holding Spider, who was playing with the phone.  When Spider dropped the phone between the cushions, we dug around for a minute, but we didn’t find it.  I told Gram not to worry and we went on with our "family time."

But then I really couldn’t find it.  It was on vibrate, so calling was not as helpful as you might think. Especially when we tried to keep everyone from gabbing so we could hear it.  No one seemed to think the drama as critical as I did. Anyway, I had become convinced that it could not be in the couch until Charming asked me to reconsider. We took all the cushions off and called the phone while I pressed my ear to the springs.  

It was in there. 

My cousin J upended the couch while the swooshing sounds of sliding treasures indicated that the phone was not the only thing that was lost in the furnishings.  

Problem was that the couch had one of those fabric coverings along the bottom.  The cell phone recovery was now involving major sofa surgery.

And look what else we found:

A card for my Uncle, a piece of a bacon cooker and an unopened April 2000 issue of the Reader’s Digest.  And the best part?

Yes, that’s an article about cell phone secrets.  What are the odds that this particular RD with that particular headline would one day be lost in the couch with my cell phone?

God has a sense of humor.  That is for certain. 

I am doing a thousand dollar day today!  My goal is $1000 in retail sales.  If you want to help me reach my goal, head on over here.

There are some benefits of ordering today– Buy one get one half off of all color items, buy one get one free of in-stock lipcolor, and if I make my goal, I will do a drawing and someone gets their order for free!  The more you buy, the more entrances you get.

So I know, I am trying not to promote myself too often, but you just can’t blame a girl with two mortgages for trying. 

Oh, you mean besides lipstick stains and ground in deoderant?

Nail polish.

‘Nuff said. 

Okay, it must be really late, because I am laughing-so-hard-I-am-crying about the title of this post.

So anyways.  Articles in magazines, and crazy doctors keep saying that human beings flatulate some ridiculously large number of times a day.  Supposedly we all cut the cheese like 12-50 times in 24 hours.  Charming and I are CONVINCED that it cannot possibly be that much.  But I still want to know.  I still want to be sure it really isn’t that much.

The problem is everytime I think, "today is the day I am going to keep track," I don’t.  Why, you might ask, do I not follow through on my commitment to take note of every time I pass wind? Well, I’ll tell you why. Because it is stupid.

I have better things to do with my time and energy than keeping records of my flatulation habits.  My brain desires to be focused on matters more important than fartology.  Taking note how many times a day I rip one, does not even make my short list of things to do on any given day.  And honestly, after the first toot I just forget to keep counting.

And I think everyone else does too, unless they are having a really gassy day.  My theory is that some idiot, decided on a post-burrito day of his own that he would keep track of the gas he passed.  And then with medical degree in hand he announced the statistics (based on his research) of how many times a day the average joe does a butt cheek squeak.

I mean, it can’t possibly be 14 times a day can it?

Can it?

This morning my sweet, little Engineer was cuddling with me and I had flashbacks of his babyhood.  He was the best baby.  So easy, so beautiful, so good at sleeping…

And he is still such a sweet, sweet boy.  He definitely has his meltdowns about seeemingly silly stuff, and he can make a fuss that is for sure.  He experiences his  emotions so bigly, that you can’t help but love this sensitive and loving child.

And this morning as I held him like a baby and he started falling back asleep, I just kept thinking what a great man he’s going to be someday.  He’s the child that always comes up to me and says, "Mommy, you’re sooooo pretty."  He’s the child that loves babies.  "Spider is soooo cute."  He has a great interior decorating sense.  He is going to make a wonderful husband for someone elses daughter.  And he’s going to be an awesome Daddy. 

And I am going to have a hard time letting him go.

So I put him back to bed, because he seemed sleepy, he was saying he felt sick.  And when he came downstairs for breakfast he appeared sad.  I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Maybe, I didn’t eat enough vegetables."  (Some lucky woman will have a man who loves vegetables!)

So for breakfast, he ate carrots and dip.  And some cereal too, of course.

What a great kid. 

Just so you know what NOT to get me for Christmas, here are some poor gift choices courtesy of Collections Etc. for your benefit and puzzlement.

                                                        "Peppermint Shot Glasses S/6 - 69010

Give your seasonal partying a shot of holiday flavor when you serve drinks in glasses made from striped peppermint candy. Set of 6 standard size shot glasses gives any drink a refreshing peppermint taste and a special treat when you’ve drained them-you can eat the glass! 2 1/4"H x 1 1/2"Dia.
 
Price: $9.99"

I don’t know, seems a bit sticky to me.

"Head To Bottom Towel - 16255

100% cotton towel features "Face" and "Butt" embroidery so everyone is clear on what goes where. Makes a goofy gift for the good-humored, and is a great way to get your guests giggling. Machine wash. 25 1/4"W x 44"L. Imported
 
Price: $9.99"

The thing that cracks me up about this one, is that in the catalog next to the picture it says, "what a value!"

And speaking of revolting:

  Are you kidding me?  This is like the grossest thing ever.  Thank heavens Spider is sooo done with the binky, so no one will think to buy this one for me.  It comes with a piglet snout paci too. 

"Let baby provide the entertainment while enjoying the calming comfort provided by this pair of whacky pacifiers. You won’t be able to stop laughing as your favorite little one enthusiastically sucks on each of these special pacifiers- My Two Front Teeth, and Li’l Piglet. Safe and easy to clean, each is crafted of non-toxic materials. $9.99"

Now this next one is not a bad gift necessarily, but I guess I don’t fully understand copyright and trademark laws too well.

I hope they are not trying to "pretend like they are not totally ripping off the Disney Princesses.  Hans Christian Andersen’s Little Mermaid totally had not-found-in-nature red hair.

" Invite your favorite princesses over for hours of imaginative play. Set includes Little Mermaid, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Beauty from "Beauty and the Beast." Each vinyl doll is dressed in her signature gown and comes complete with earrings, flowers, hair, ribbons, bows and shoes. Ages 3+. Each measures 11 1/4"H.
 
Price: $17.99  "

And of course, if your house isn’t COMPLETELY kid proofed yet, or if you are OCD, you might need these.

"Vinyl Furniture Cover

Protect your furniture with these strong vinyl slipcovers. Installs and removes quickly and easily and keeps your expensive upholstery free of spills, dust, dirt, and bugs. Strong PVC vinyl is stitched and tailored to provide a good-looking comfortable fit."

I am going to have to take issue with the good-looking part.

Do not buy me these gifts.  Or for anyone else.  But, maybe the princesses, because those are a steal. 

So, I am a little sick today.  I also have nothing interesting to say (not like I do normally, anyway).  I have decided instead to give you a little Halloween Fun, so you don’t feel like you need to move on to Christmas just yet.

Grandma made this costume for little Spider:

She’s just such a beautiful baby.

And when the kids went out for trick or treating, I stayed home chasing the baby with a camera.  She got quite addicted to lollipops, by the way.  In her little non-verbal way, she would grab a sucker and put it in my hand.  I would hand it back and she would forcefully SHOVE it back in my hand.

Oh but we can’t forget our trip to the punkin’ patch.  Spider picked out her own tiny pumpkin:

And here is everyone.  (Grandma came too.)  Which reminds me, I know this is going to sound really weird, but both of my parents look really young.  I mean, they are pretty young, but they look younger.  Whenever I go somewhere with my mom and my kids, people don’t know whose kids they are.  They sometimes think they belong to my mom.  But!  Even worse is when I go out with my dad and my kids and they think that Grandpa is their Dad!  They know I am the mom, so… Eeeeewww.  Anyway.  I wasn’t sure if the punkin patch people knew if mom was grandma, so I made lots of references.  They figured it out.

This is not my kid.  This is Ashley’s kid.  We played pin the nose on the pumpkin.  I just thought the blindfold was hilarious.  Isn’t this the best picture ever? 

Aunty J showed up on the All-Hallows-Eve as a Spy!

Engineer and Sugar were Tinkerbell and Peter Pan.  I just like this picture because it is soooo Sugar’s personality.  Saucy!

And when all was said and done, we got to eat EYEBALLS.  Nasty! 

 Now go decorate for Christmas!

As you know, we recently made some new kitchen appliance purchases.  We simply had to have a new stove and a new refrigerator, because they were not functioning properly.  And because we can, we chose stainless steel over the white that was currently in the kitchen.

We did not get a new dishwasher, however, because that appliance works great and we were trying to be a little prudent.  

But today Engineer noticed.

"Mom, we need a new one of these," he says pointing to the white appliance amidst the sea of stainless steel.

"A new dishwasher?" I ask probingly.  "Why?"

"This is one is white," he says with disgust in an are-you-kidding-me-mom-white-is-so-ten-years-ago tone of voice. 

"Oh?"

"Yeah, we need silver," and then to make sure I understood, "to match the other stuff."

This from a five year old boy.  He could very well be the next Vern Yip.

…so right after I go and promise to not be a self promoter, Jenny goes and has a beauty tips round up.

Of course I am going to participate!  Am I or am I NOT a Professional Beauty Consultant? 

Okay, so here’s a product that will make your life easier and faster: 

It is tinted moisturizer.  I love it, love it, love it

What could be better than moisturizer, foundation and spf all in one little bottle?  It is simply the best for making your morning routine go FAST.

 A must have for moms.

And you can get it here. 

Sorry.  I couldn’t help myself. 

That’s the title of my new blog.  No, I am not moving.  No, I am not leaving the Mommiverse. 

I just want a forum where I can talk about my business without feeling like I am alienating my readers.  

I just want a place where I can shout out my enthusiasm for my independent consultant status without seeming like a self promoting something or other.

I just want a place on the internet where people can read about the positive things about Mary Kay to balance out all the negative stuff from bitter, former consultants that rages through the web.

I’ve gotta say it somewhere.  So I am saying it over at Mary Kay Rocks. 

Check it out.  Or don’t.  Up to you.