is so totally simple– you could do it too!

First thing you need to do, (and for some it is too late for this Holiday, but Christmas is coming….) is visit a crowded mall about a week before the holiday.  Touch as many surfaces and small children as possible and do NOT wash your hands.

This will help you contract some kind of infectious virus.  IE Flu, cold, something else unpleasant.

The next step is to be sick.  So sick that nothing stays in.  (Try for the flu, I don’t a cold would work as well.)

And finally by Turkey day (or whenever) you will either be so sick you can’t touch hardly a ham, or you will have lost so much weight in the past few days that you could gorge yourself and still be ahead of the game!  Although, in all likelihood, you probably won’t be up to gorging yourself…. so…

All the skinnier!

Who’s with me?  Oh, yeah, that’d be me.  Lame. 

Sorry for the details, but it is true.

I am finally coming around this morning.  The witches brew in my stomach seems to have settled and I actually slept all through the night.

Saturday I got home from a friend’s house with chilly chills.  It was a colder day than it has been, so I kind of chocked it up to that except that my knees hurt really bad.  And by the end of the day I was curled up in bed with a miserable headache and sore legs and I could hardly walk.

And then the vomit.

Charming comes in and says, "hmm, headache, shivering, vomiting.  You must be in love."

Until Spider tossed her cookies too and he comes in and announces, "I think you have the flu."

Give that man a PHD.

And so I woke up every half an hour either to vomit, spew forth some other fluids, or just feel like I needed to.

And come Sunday everytime I acted on the desire to eat, my stomach would remind me that the only work it was planning on doing that day was the work of keeping everyone out.  Except for maybe a little sprite and tiny doses of gatorade.

Sorry for the details and that this is my grand blogging return, but there is just something about serious alterations in body functions that just needs to be shared. (C’mon who didn’t hear your childbirth story in the first three weeks?)  And at least on the internet, I can pretend that people actually want to know the details.  If you skim or gloss it over, at least I feel like I have shared it with you.

Well, I’m off to find some way to keep my head from floating off…. 

Oh yeah, and Spider is totally fine. 

These things crack me up.  Does anyone reading these weird ads in the coupon section actually order the item advertised?  I have to wonder.

Costco Not-On-A-Saturday, is probably one of my favorite places to go.  I love the big-ness of everything and they always have new stuff– and oh yeah, the unlimited sampling booths.  MMmmmm…

That said, I have found that I must limit myself to trips to the Land of Large so as not to spend my husband’s entire paycheck there.  If I make it out of Costco with less than $200 worth of crap stuff bulk items I consider myself fortunate. It’s about twenty minutes from my house and I am not sure the money I save on gas by buying it there really amounts to much, since I use so much gas to get there.

Okay.

So at an expo a few weeks ago, I happened to stop at the Costco booth.  I had a conversation with a rep there that to this day just baffles me.  I  wouldn’t call this rep "pushy" because I never felt like she was trying to sell me anything, because in my experience good sales people actually LISTEN to what a person has to say.  Let me recount the conversation.

Me: Hello.

Rep: Are you a costco member?

Me:Yep.

Rep: Do you have our American Express  card?

Me: I do.

Rep: But I bet you don’t have the platinum business card.

Me: No.  You know, I actually don’t even go to Costco all the much.

Rep: (Shocked and Disgusted) Really?  Why? (First Mistake)

Me:You know everytime I go there, I spend like $200.  Plus it’s like 20 minutes from my house.

Rep: (moving on) But you need a credit card for your business.

Me: You know, I have one.  It’s a Mary Kay Visa.

Rep: But you can’t use it at Costco.

Me: (I have your friggin AMEX and who says I want to use it at Costco!)  Yeah, I know.

Rep: You really could be SAVING your family SO MUCH money.

Me: (Did you NOT just hear me say I SPEND too much money every time I go.)  Sure, sure.  

And then I ran away as fast as I could. 

Now maybe as you read this, you’re thinking, yeah so?  But seriously.  The woman could not have possibly heard a word I said.  It was the weirdest not-a-sales-pitch pitch I have ever heard.  Let me tell you why she is the worst sales person ever:

1.She was totally unrelatable, maybe she was just untrained, who knows.  I left feeling like, "what the?" Rather than trying to understand my point of view (because clearly she did not get it) she just dismissed it and seemed irritated. I like to feel like customer service people could potentially be my firend, even if I say no.  We couldn’t be friends.

2. She wasn’t friendly or even pleasant.  She never asked me how I was doing or even smiled at me.  I mean she might have asked me, but I don’t remember because it was probably insincere.

3. She didn’t ask enough questions.  All she did was make these weird statements that didn’t have anything to do with what I just said. 

4. She never actually tried to sell me anything.  She never went over the benefits of the card and she never asked me if I was interested.  And she never tried to overcome my objections.  I mean I guess she did, but she should have used the feel, felt, found method.  IE.  I know how you feel, I felt the same way too, but what I’ve found….

5. And of course, she did not listen to me AT ALL. 

And that’s it.  It was just weird. 

And for those of you who want to keep reading, here’s how I would have done it, had I been the rep.

Well dressed business person: Hi.

Me the Rep: Hi how are you doing today?

WDBP: Good good.

MtR:Great.  I love your shoes by the way.

WDBP: Oh, thanks.

MetR: Hey are you a Costco member?

WDBP: You know I am, I even have a Costco Amex.

MetR: I do too.  I love that card.  Have you heard of the Costco Platinum Business Card?

WDBP: No I haven’t.  I don’t really think I need one though.

MetR: Do you have a card for your small business?

WDBP: I do actually. 

MetR: Well, that’s great.  Which one do you have, by the way?

WDBP: I have a Fantastic Company Mastercard.

MeTr: Oh yeah?  That sounds awesome.  Do you get great benefits like (I would then list all of the Costco business card features)?

WDBP: No I don’t actually.

MetR: Well the Costco business card has all of those things.  Would you be interested in signing up for a Costco business card?

Well dressed business person would then say yes or no.  Either way, when the conversation ended I would say: "Okay.  Well you have a great day." 

I got an email today from facebook saying I had been invited to join the group,  ‘I do not sustain Barack Obama as president.’  I didn’t vote for the guy, but I didn’t join the group either.

On most things, I am a conservative, though I must say I much more enjoy living in a liberal state than I did in a mostly Republican one.  (I’m pretty upset about this bill appearing to be passing, however…) 

Anyway, back to Obama.  America picked him.  Fine.  My life is going to basically go on the same as it always has, and despite all his talk of change, having him as president is probably not going to change MY life all that much.  I don’t know if he will do a better job than anyone else.  I don’t know if he is going to fix the economy (not likely).  If he doesn’t, I suppose we’ll have a new guy (or girl) in there in another four years.  And he might do a heck of a job.  Who knows?

Now it is historic that we are going to have the first black president, and it impresses me that our country has come that far.  However, in the post election coverage last night it was such a big focus that I was confused.  Everyone was so thrilled that he was black and "finally we have a black man as president."  I mean yes, it’s great, but him being black does not mean he will make a good president.  Did people vote for him because he was black or because he was a Democrat?  Last time I checked the ballots listed part association and not skin color.   I mean, if this election was about a black man versus a white man, doesn’t that mean our country really hasn’t come that far?  Doesn’t that suggest that there is still a wide gap between black and white?

No one seemed that excited that we were once again going to have a democrat in office. 

And would he have won if he was Republican?

So, after that digression the bottom line is I will sustain Barack as president.  I will sustain him the same way I supported Bush(and every other President I liked or didn’t)– by not whining about his every mistake and by not blaming everything on him.  And I will exercise my right to vote, and I’ll pay my taxes and I’ll mow my lawn, wear my seatbelt and not litter.   

Yep. Spider was sick.  But her cranky face made a pretty good Mistress Meriweather, don’t you think?

I tried teaching them the song, but they were too busy being silly:

Of course here’s what Charming and I went as:

Being a nun for Halloween wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.  I don’t know how they get anything done with the habit flowing all over the place.  Oh well.  On to the next Holiday!