I promise this is a real ad I found.  Hilarious:(and I can’t make the font up here smaller)

AMAZING BEDSHEETS - EXFOLIATE YOUR SKIN WHILE YOU SLEEP!!!

These Queen sheets are incredible! Not only are they a putrid limey green color, they are so rough that I am sure they will exfoliate your skin while you sleep, so you will awaken from your beauty sleep with smooth, baby-soft skin! (that is, if you can fall asleep!) We bought them on sale, thinking that they would be smooth and soft (yeah I know, we’re such wimps!) since they are at least 300 thread count, but nope, I think they were designed for monks to sleep in as penance. Or here’s a thought, put them on your guest bed when your mother-in-law or unemployed brother or another undesirable guest who might overstay their welcome, is coming to visit. I’m sure it will be a subtle subliminal message to them not to get too comfortable, but to go home to their own beds as soon as possible! These would also be perfect for people trying to detox… all those detox diets that recommend scrubbing your skin with a dry brush daily, to stimulate your skin to detox… who has time for that? Save a step and sleep in these sheets! What a way to multi-task! Tired of your kids climbing into bed with you in the morning and waking you up? I bet they’d stay in their own little beds if you were sleeping on THESE sheets, leaving you in peace to enjoy your exfoliating detox scrubbing slumber! And here’s the best part… you can have these sheets for free! Just come and pick them up! I’m sure they will change your life, and I’m such a nice person that I will give them to you at absolutely no charge, just for the joy and satisfaction of doing a good turn.

No, you can’t return them if you don’t like them. You pick them up, you keep them!

I promise this is a real ad I found.  Hilarious: