There’s not much that I dislike more than making an doctor’s appointment, sitting in the waiting room, waiting in the exam room and then having the doctor tell you that a) there’s nothing wrong with or b.) there is something wrong with you but there is nothing that can be done for you.  So I avoid the doctor as much as I can…

Well…

I think motherhood makes you crazy.

I can remember being in college, knowing that all I had was a cold, and my mom telling me I should go see the doctor.  "Mo-oom. (rolling eyes)  There is nothing wrong with me."  When sick with "a cold" I will only take myself to the doctor when the pain is so great that I KNOW that something else is amiss.  I admitted myself once when I had such intense ear pain I couldn’t sit still (ear infection–now I know why babies make such a fuss) and I pulled into an urgent care once when I was driving because I could hardly turn my neck to see where I was going (strep throat).

But when it comes to my children, I am all to ready to see the doc as soon as possible.  To a point I guess.  In the past two weeks, I have made two appointments for Sugar to see a doctor, and then cancelled them less than 2 hours later.

Last week, Spider was lying around like a zombie with a fever and I wasn’t going to take her in until she said she had to go potty and then couldn’t.  Thinking possible UTI, I made an appointment, took her in they told me it was a virus, not the flu, and she was better the next day.  Of course, last year she had pink eye for over a week and I didn’t take her in because it started to look better, her brother comes home with a screaming earache, I take him in and am told that Spider has pink eye.  (It looked better, I tell you!)

So NOW, Sugar has the same fever/virus as Spider did last week.  Same comatose behavior, lack of appetite, BUT her eyes are red and her fever seems higher.  (Hence the made and then cancelled appointment yesterday.)  Web MD says it’s the flu, in the which case (perhaps it isn’t) there isn’t anything the doc can do anyway and I don’t need to be spreading it around.  But MAYBE it’s pink eye and somehow she’s the only one that got it?

GAH!

I think I just need my own medical degree.  Yep.  That’s what I need.  

Wanting to vomit

Not knowing why, not pregnant

Aunt Flo Visiting

Spider has had a runny nose for what seems like three weeks now.  Finally last Thursday she got goopy eyes too.  It was pretty miserable in the usual way– she woke up a lot, was clingy, and we couldn’t go anywhere lest she LEAVE A TRAIL OF DISEASE.  But really, she just had a cold right?  Why take her to the doctor? 

I hate going to the doctor so I can pay $20 to have an expert tell me everything is fine.

So, we never went.  She seemed much better a week later– on the mend, but not fully recovered, so I was feeling all right and seeing an end in sight.  

And then her brother, the well child, comes home screaming about his ear.  Now, Engineer cries a lot, let’s be clear about that.  But not non-stop, uncontrollably for 45 minutes while grabbing his ear and saying that it hurts.  Appointments were made immediately.

After Engineer told the doctor he did not want any shots and that she should inform the rest of the staff of his request, it was determined that he had an ear infection.  On a whim I asked our pediatrician to take a peek at Spider.  The quick diagnosis was pink eye AND an ear infection.

Good thing the boy got sick, eh?

So then I was really feeling bad about exposing some other kids to her illness when I thought she was on the way to recovery.  And one of the preschool parents was like, no big, whatev, and another parent looks at me and goes, "Oh, I am going to be SO mad if my daughter gets pink eye."

After the stab to the heart, I was like, really?

Her daughter must have never had it before, as I might have felt that same way had I never experienced it.  I mean it sounds all nasty and scary, and it’s fairly contagious and gross, but when it comes down to it, it’s kind of like a glorified cold. Only you wake up and can’t necessarily open your eyes due to the goops sealing them shut.  (Nothing a warm washcloth can’t remedy!)

I just think of all the illnesses to get ticked about, pink eye doesn’t really make the list.  I would much rather have my kids have a case of "the EYE" than a case of "the VOMIT".  And I guess that’s the moral of this post for all you parents out there who are going to be "so mad"–Miss Stephanie say: Fear the pukes, be chill about the pink eye.  (Just wash your hands and keep your fingers out of your corneas.)

And don’t borrow my two year old’s mascara.

Sorry for the details, but it is true.

I am finally coming around this morning.  The witches brew in my stomach seems to have settled and I actually slept all through the night.

Saturday I got home from a friend’s house with chilly chills.  It was a colder day than it has been, so I kind of chocked it up to that except that my knees hurt really bad.  And by the end of the day I was curled up in bed with a miserable headache and sore legs and I could hardly walk.

And then the vomit.

Charming comes in and says, "hmm, headache, shivering, vomiting.  You must be in love."

Until Spider tossed her cookies too and he comes in and announces, "I think you have the flu."

Give that man a PHD.

And so I woke up every half an hour either to vomit, spew forth some other fluids, or just feel like I needed to.

And come Sunday everytime I acted on the desire to eat, my stomach would remind me that the only work it was planning on doing that day was the work of keeping everyone out.  Except for maybe a little sprite and tiny doses of gatorade.

Sorry for the details and that this is my grand blogging return, but there is just something about serious alterations in body functions that just needs to be shared. (C’mon who didn’t hear your childbirth story in the first three weeks?)  And at least on the internet, I can pretend that people actually want to know the details.  If you skim or gloss it over, at least I feel like I have shared it with you.

Well, I’m off to find some way to keep my head from floating off…. 

Oh yeah, and Spider is totally fine. 

I am so not joking.

Thursday night we went to a local farmer’s market and then to dinner.  On the five minute drive home that night, Sugar fell asleep– not having peed in several hours and with cherry stains on her cream colored dress. I was bummed I wouldn’t be able to use my mad stain removal skills until morning, but glad we had one less child to try and force to sleep that night.

Of course, the combination of Sugar not having peed recently, and an ill placed, holey matress protector assured that she would pee the bed in the night. At 5:45 she woke up from the accident and after following the protocol, I tossed her clothes in the sink, unrinsed and we went back to bed.

At around 9 am I figured it was time to get at the stain removal.

Only there were no more stains.

The pee bleached them away. 

Isn’t that the weirdest thing ever?  And slightly gross?  Anyone ever have a similar experience? 

Spider and I were thinking of Earth Day and today, we were pretty heroic. Let me explain.

So I was happily checking email this afternoon under the impression that my sweet one and half year old was in the toy room with her older siblings. Not totally convinced of this, I thought that I should, perhaps, check to be sure. Not there. Shoot. I go downstairs.

I followed my nose to find the babe, asleep, on my nice sofa, in a pool of …. dunh, dunh, dunh… poo!!!!

Crum! It leaked out of her diaper, I thought. Oh wait…

She wasn’t wearing a diaper! I had forgotten that she had taken it off earlier, and in my getting lunch ready, taking care of other things, people, messes mayhem, I totally neglected to put a fresh one on her.

And so here she was, a sleeping angel, resting in her own poos, while I tried to decide what to do. (Yes, I felt like a bad mom, sheesh.) Normally, I would just give her a bath, but she was sleeping, so I laid her on a towel on the floor and began to sponge bathe her off with a washcloth. She slept through all of it, peacefully unaffected, until I remov*d her dress and she began to scream and be awake and cranky for the rest of the day…

Good thing I hadn’t already dealt with her clinging/vomiting/diarrheaing all of Tuesday and Wednesday this week.

Yeah.

Well, one less poopy diaper sitting in a landfill for a million years, right?

Just doing our part to save the earth. All congratulations and bravos can be left in the comments section.

To top it all off, I am ill.  Stomach…errr.. issues.

So last night my mom tried to get me to take Pepto-Bismol to help me feel better.  I guess the idea behind the chalky pink goo, is that you ingest it, and it coats your stomach and makes you feel better.

I didn’t make it that far.  Two (no don’t make me) sips and I gagged so hard I puked. 

So I guess the product works.  My stomach was much more settled after that.