Got your attention, eh?

Seriously, though.  Yesterday was one of those kind of days that made me understand why living in a commune or something would appeal to a person.  With three kids under 6 and too much house to take care of, I get kind of lonely sometimes.  I don’t really want to drag them places because they are so much work when I do, I’d rather just stay home.  

But it get’s lonely.

It would be nice to have a few other ladies around just kind of all the time to chat with, to share household duties with even spar with just to create some drama.  It would be nice to have extra hands around. Imagine this conversation:

Me: Hey wife number two, and three, can you watch the children so I can go get a pedicure?

Wife #2: There’s a lot of children between the three of us.

Me: And there’s two of you, I am sure you can handle it.  Besides, Joan up the street has like 15 kids and her husband only has one wife, so I know between the two of you 12 kids is like nothing.

Wife #3: I get to go tomorrow, right?

Me: (knowing dinner would be ready and the house would be clean when I get back) Sure.  See ya in a few hours! 

Yeah, that’d be nice. 

P.S. No comments about how in real life polygamy stinks and all the alleged abuse and all of that.  I get that.  I am being totally facetious. 

If you wear a bikini to work and then get burned with hot coffee, who gets sued? 

I’m writing over at SMB today– read on. 

I grew up here in the Rainy Place.  I love the rain. I love listening to it.  Watching it.  It makes me want to curl up with a bookand a blanket and eat popcorn. Of course, when I was a kid, that would have been a great thing to do on the weekend, or after school when there was no other obligations.  On a regular Monday though Friday day, Mom kicked me off to school, rain or not, and I was fine with that.

But now as an adult, day after day, it rains.  The kids are out of preschool.  I have no playdates, and a gallon of gas costs more than a watermelon.  I’ve got no mom (ok, I’m here) in my house telling me to get off my bum and get moving.  And as much as I love the rain, I am withering.

Too much water tends to drown things.

I need the sun, and I need it now. 

I never knew I was so much like a sunflower. 

Going to get your new driver’s license and your new vehicle registration is not something I would recommend with PMS.  Do not go at the end of the month, around lunch time, when you have PMS.  Do not go if you do not know EXACTLY where it is.  You will get lost, curse your gps and curse your anxiety.  Do not go with PMS.

Do not take children.

If you have to take children, leave Sugar at least one with someone else. 

Do not go with PMS.

We went yesterday and I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

We waited at the DOL for an hour– and I almost couldn’t get my license because I didn’t have my proof of address.  (It’s a rule that I must always forget something.)  And then on the way to the DMV I got hopelessly lost, and I started to totally lose it.

At least the children were well behaved and incredibly patient.  I know Sugar would have made it a nightmare so I am glad she was with a friend.  

Four hours of my life that I will never get back.  

But at least I am registered and at least I didn’t cry like I did when I got my Utah license.  I guess that means I am happy to be here.

There is something about being so sick, being so debilitated that you can’t do anything that kind of knocks the lazy out of a person.  All of a sudden, I NEED to do EVERYTHING.  But I CANNOT do ANYTHING.

For the past few years weeks it seems like I waste A LOT of time on the internet.  I waste a lot of time doing stuff other than clean my house, play with my kids or do my business.  Lately I feel like I haven’t been able to accomplish very much.  And then BAM! I am flat on my back (head elevated enough to keep at least one nostril free of blockage) unable to do anything but surf the web. 

And it infuriates me.  "I am just wasting time!" I think to myself.  And yet, when I am well, I don’t mind wasting the time at all. 

Think the man upstairs has a lesson He’s trying to teach me?  I do not think getting sick was a coincidence.  I done been schooled.  Knock that lazy out of my house.

A Haiku 

Babies hatched this week
Two Starling nests in my roof
Cheeping everywhere

There are two separate sets of starling families that have built nests in the eaves of my house and their babies hatched this week.  Add to that the sounds from my chicks and there is muchly bird noises.

It is sort of annoying. 

Unfortunately, I am not the type to shoot animals. 

Spider and I were thinking of Earth Day and today, we were pretty heroic. Let me explain.

So I was happily checking email this afternoon under the impression that my sweet one and half year old was in the toy room with her older siblings. Not totally convinced of this, I thought that I should, perhaps, check to be sure. Not there. Shoot. I go downstairs.

I followed my nose to find the babe, asleep, on my nice sofa, in a pool of …. dunh, dunh, dunh… poo!!!!

Crum! It leaked out of her diaper, I thought. Oh wait…

She wasn’t wearing a diaper! I had forgotten that she had taken it off earlier, and in my getting lunch ready, taking care of other things, people, messes mayhem, I totally neglected to put a fresh one on her.

And so here she was, a sleeping angel, resting in her own poos, while I tried to decide what to do. (Yes, I felt like a bad mom, sheesh.) Normally, I would just give her a bath, but she was sleeping, so I laid her on a towel on the floor and began to sponge bathe her off with a washcloth. She slept through all of it, peacefully unaffected, until I remov*d her dress and she began to scream and be awake and cranky for the rest of the day…

Good thing I hadn’t already dealt with her clinging/vomiting/diarrheaing all of Tuesday and Wednesday this week.

Yeah.

Well, one less poopy diaper sitting in a landfill for a million years, right?

Just doing our part to save the earth. All congratulations and bravos can be left in the comments section.

You don’t really need to answer that.  I know I am.  But still…

Yesterday in the Alby’s parking lot, parked right next to my minivan was a creepy looking man in a red 70’s pinto-ish something or other.  He had a mustache, long hair and was in a well, like a said, an old junky-ish red car.  With the windows rolled down.  Just hangin’ out.  Next to ma van.

When I went to buckle Spider in, (she was on the same side as the dude) I climbed in the van and shut the door.  I mean, his window was open.  I don’t need some man in a firebird viewing my hindequarters within pinching reach.  When the baby was buckled in, instead of opening the door and getting out, I climbed over the seats and all the junk in the way to get in the driver’s spot.  As I was getting buckled I happened to glance over and see the man make an "are you kidding me?" kind of face.

Maybe I offended him.

But I would rather have him be offended than me be offended or hurt or stolen.  And I know I am pretty paranoid, but hey, we live in that kind of world, unfortunately.  We live in a world where people walk into a mall and open fire.  We live in a world where people fly airpl*nes into buildings.  We live in a world where a passing jogger could turn around and cop a feel before running off leaving you flabbergasted and tarnished (happened to someone I know).  There are lots of good people and I love America, but you know just as well as I, that we live in that kind of world.

So to the creepy man-  I am sorry if you got offended, but you have got to know you were creepy.  Sitting in a camaro, with nappy hair, wearing a grubby t-shirt with the windows rolled down is weird.  It just is.  Unless you live in Nashville and make gold records when you put your pants on, the long hair and mustache look is gross.  And creepy.  Okay, even those country music stars, I don’t really dig it….

Anyway.  To any man reading this: If you are not a creep– do not dress like a creep!  You know what a normal person looks like.  Strive for that.

And if he wasn’t so creepy, then why did he pull out and re-park right after I left?

Paranoid?  Me?  You bet! 

I’m talking about Engineer, not Charming.  All though, some days…. Nevermind.

So I had a muchly productive day today, including a garden digging fest in the backyard.  Charming was away for the evening and since the kids and I were filthy, I thought a group bath would be acceptable.

I was wrong.

I get in the tub and the boy can not keep his eyes off of… well, me.  He poses the question, "How come you have big ones?"

Me: Well, I am a mommy.

More staring at me.

Me: Would you just turn around, please?

E: I just want to see you.

Yeah, that’s weird.  I didn’t realize the fascination with all things Dolly Parton, started so young.  That is the last time.  The only time he’s gonna see these again is if and when I nurse another baby.  And even then….

Ahhh, the whole thing is so creepy!  He’s FIVE!

I need to go sob in a cornerr now and mourn the loss of my boy’s babyhood. 

I have been having this problem lately… 

I put off until tomorrow EVERY thing that overwhelms me.

Let’s talk taxes for example.  Usually I am the kind of person who does their taxes right away.  February comes and I have got my government check in hand.  I rock!  But this year, with my move, my rental income, my home purchase, my business, Charming’s business and so on… I have just shut down.  Too much!!!  So they have been sitting up in our office haunting me every day.  "I’ll just do it tomorrow…" I tell myself.  It will be fine.  

But it looms over me.  

My library books are another issue.  I have a kit full of books and activities and videos that I got from the library.  I can’t find the cd that goes inside the box, and so I haven’t taken it back yet.  I know it is overdue.  I keep getting emails from the library that I can’t bear to open.  I am constantly imagineing all the fines racking up and taking over my financial future.  And yet, I don’t take that stupid kit back.  It just sits in my living room.  

Tormenting me.

I think my life would be a lot less chaotic if I could get a handle on this "situation."  Any suggestions?  Really.  I need some help over here.