I’ve been on bedrest twice with two of my pregnancies.  With Engineer I had pre-eclampsia and was down for three weeks.  With Sugar I had "pre-term labor" (not sure how serious/legit it was since she was born at 40 weeks gestation) and was down for six weeks.  Bedrest is lonely, dull and difficult and I always longed for visitors who didn’t seem to come often enough.

I always try to understand purpose in my trials and what I gleaned from my bedrest experiences (aside from healthy babies) was compassion for others experiencing the same situation.  I vowed to never let anyone else suffer with loneliness and lack during a time of bedrest.

A friend of mine recently was hospitalized for pregnancy issues– she’s been in and out of the hospital on bedrest for a month and a half or two.  I have visited once.  Yes, you heard me once.  Every time I was ready to go for a visit, my kids would get sick or I would get sick.  I’ve been trying to get out to the hospital for three weeks now and we have just been pillaged with the plague. And yesterday she had her baby 13 weeks premature.

And I have learned yet another lesson.

Forgiveness.

Not that I am super quick to forgive myself mind you, because trust me I am kicking myself right now, even though the situation is mostly out of my hands.  But I realize now,or am willing to believe, that all those people who didn’t come and visit me weren’t necessarily avoiding me– they just had life happen to them too.  Life pretty much stops for a person on bedrest, but it continues to go on for everyone else, regardless of how good a friend or how close a relative to you they are.  So with this realization I forgive.  And I continue to be a champion for the bedridden with a new resolve.

Who do you know who could use a visit from you?  (That’s sort of rhetorical, no need to leave it in the comments.)

First off let, me start this post by giving a shout out to the lady who passed me as I was stuck in the middle of the road and honked at me multiple times: I didn’t do it on purpose to ruin your day, you are mean and you suck.

Secondly a shout out to my minivan with an instrument panel that doesn’t work in spite of all the money we’ve put into getting it fixed: get it together, baby, I need to know when there is no gas.

Okay, good.  

Sunday on the way to church the instrument panel decided to blink on thus alerting us as to our mph, other important panel things and also the fact that we had no gas.  As we were already late, and are committed to not spending money on Sunday, we got two gallons of gas and were on our way.  I planned to get more gas on Monday before I drove 45 minutes into Seattle and back.  On the way home from church, the panel went bye bye once again.

Monday came, I found myself driving into Seattle with little gas, I remembered this only after I was on the freeway, and decided that I could make it there and would need to get gas on the way home.  Reasonable plan.

Here is where the dilemma came in.  We went to the science center (clean bathrooms) and afterwards went to the Center House for ice cream (questionable bathrooms).  I needed to pee, but decided it would be better to not haul my three small children into an unclean bathroom. Nobody else needed to go anyway.

Well, you know how it goes when you have to go, but you still have 45 minutes of driving to do!  I knew I needed to get gas, but I just couldn’t handle the thought of standing in the cold pumping gas with a full bladder.  I wrestled with how I could use the gas station bathroom, but hello, not a clean place for the children.  I could leave them in the car…  but well, not as safe.  As I knew at least one would be asleep anyway…  

I drove home without stopping.  The funny thing is, I didn’t even race into pee.  I dinked around on the computer, putting stuff away until I remembered the little feeling.

Tuesday.  I know I need to get gas before i go out.  Everything is a little frazzled, I make a product delivery, leave town without gas and a third way up the big, windy, twisty hill, the van sputters and stops in front of about five other cars. I turn on my emergency flashers, the other cars figure it out and I pull out my phone to call Charming who turns out to be less than helpful..  I still think I should have called 911 or something, but he advised me not to.

Fortunately, a nice homeless-looking man (whitish beard and stocking cap) with a British accent stopped in front of me and came to see if he could help.  He tried to start the car a couple of times without success, but was then able to put the car in neutral and ease it closer to the side of the road.  Our car was then not completely blocking traffic, but closer to the blind corner where another car (going too fast) could have easily rear ended us.  (Had the honking lady not been speeding, she might have laid off the horn, for example). And then the Microsoft employee man (as it turned out he was on leave from there) left to get us some gas.

After what felt like 45 minutes (maybe more like half an hour) of being a sitting duck and listening to crying, whining children (Spider was happy) the kind man returned with the gas and the County Sheriff’s arrived to direct traffic.  Two gallons was not enough on the steep hill, so the sheriff left to get some more.  The man who helped us went home without me ever giving him proper thanks or any money for the gas, and when the sheriff came back with more gas I was on my way.

I was reminded of a few things yesterday amidst all this mess.  One– there are good people in the world who will help strangers.  Two– most people are not this way, at least 50 cars passed me, and that man was the only one who stopped.  Most people rubbernecked to see inside my vehicle and one woman honked angrily.  Three– God will always watch out for you.  It was a miracle no one hit us while sitting there, and quite a blessing that the man stopped so soon after we got stuck.

And fourthly, and perhaps most importantly, peeing your pants while pumping gas is much more desirable then running out of gas on an uphill, twisty, narrow and relatively busy road.  And yet, riding home in wet pants, just doesn’t seem that great to me, even now…

P.S. To my kind hearted rescuer, thank you.  If you ever read this, please don’t be offended that I called you homeless looking, I was kind of scared when you first approached, but my children and I will forever be indebted to your kindness and willingness to serve people you didn’t know.  Thank you for being a neighbor and good samaritan.

It did.  What can I say, I love great music.  And the Moses story is so incredible.  When that opening song came on and the Hebrew slaves sing, "Elohim, God on high, Can you hear your people cry?" I just started sobbing.  It was so moving.

Of course I really lost it when Jochabed starts singing to Moses.  Can you imagine sending your baby down a river on the chance that he might live?  Seriously.  The faith of that woman.  I can only imagine the angst she must have felt as she sent him down the Nile and I would guess she was just pleading with the Lord to let him live.  I know I would have been begging to see him again.  And I am totally touched by the tender mercies of the Lord toward Moses mother.  She sends him down the river and then the Lord, through Miriam and Pharaoh’s daughter, works it out so that she gets to be her son’s wet nurse. Not only does her baby live but she is blessed to be with him for a few more years.  What love!

Anyway.  I was crying.  I just love that song– Deliver Us.  Totally worth the dollar I spent.  

My sweet little Spider,

In my prayers last night I told Heavenly Father how thankful I am for you.  You are our little act of faith– an unexpected blessing.  You are the child that brings balance to our family.  My little snug a bug and my source of endless smiles and laughter.  You just continue to become more of a delight the older you get, and that makes me glad.

I can’t believe that you are two!  I love watching you grow and hearing you learn to talk. You are so teachable and a quick learner.  Yesterday we got to put all my eyeshadows and cheek colors away and I found joy in hearing you repeat all the color names with me.  How many other people get to hear their two year olds say "sunny spice", "sweet plum", or "ivory 1"?

I love your love of animals both real and inanimate.  If I could give you a real dog, I would, because I know you would be best friends.  As it is, watching you tote around all your pluffies makes me smile.  I love that you need them to sleep.

I love your general cuteness.  You are going to be the end of me!  It is so hard to resist when you pull me hand and say "Come wis ME!" and lead me to the fridge where you tenderly ask for a "pockle" (popsicle.)  It’s so hard to say no to you!  And even when you get mad you are cute. I could just give you kisses all day long.

And I love that on your birthday, you and me had some special time.  You sat and played with me and my sunglasses (and my earrings and necklace…) and we got to take crazy pictures together.  I love you, Spider.  I am so glad Heavenly Father gave me you and that I get to be your mommy.

Happy Birthday baby! 

I spent most of yesterday out running errands.  Feeling green, I bought some organic tampons and chlorine-free bleach (among other things).  Since I didn’t need to use the tampons when I got home, I decided to try a wash with the bleach.  I was unconvinced that the tree-hugger bleach was capable of my toxic bleach’s germ killing power so I decided that a hot water wash would cover all my bases.  And it did indeed cover more than that.

It covered my garage floor.

I imagine in Heaven (or where ever it is that He lives) that God said to himself, "I think Stephanie needs to clean out her garage.  I  know she will never just do it on her own, so I am going to give her an excuse."

How helpful.

I walked in the garage, for reasons still unknown to me, to see water spurting from my hot water heater and flowing down my garage floor.  I called Charming immediately who told me to turn off the water supply, which I somehow managed to figure out.  I then sent out two emails for help and started to panic.  Charming had asked me if I could handle it, and I said I could, but I quickly im’d him saying I could NOT DEAL WITH THIS.

A mild anxiety attack started to set in.  I was shaking and my heart was pounding.  I just had no idea what to do.  Charming asked me to call people, but I couldn’t.  It’s hard to understand this if you’ve never suffered from a mood disorder, but I could not pick up the phone.

And then the phone rang.

"Hi, this is (gal from church that I don’t know very well) and I still have that brand new water heater in my garage that I can give you for cheap, and you ought to call so and so and let me call some other people to see what we can do."

Nice. 

An hour later I tried calling a few plumbers and had no luck. (One number I called was actually a private residence– a story for another time). And then the phone rang again.

"Hi this is (son of someone at church) I am a general contractor, let me come look at that water heater tonight so we can figure out a way to get you some hot water."

Wow.

As for the rest of the day, I had one friend come over and buy some product and offer up her shower, another came by and took a load of laundry and another friend volunteered to come over and help with the cleanup and she took a load of laundry home too as well as opening her home for showers.

Think I’m being watched out for? 

I don’t really believe in coincidences.  That water heater sat in that woman’s garage for three years before she sent out an email saying she needed to get rid of it.  I think it no coincidence that she still had it a few weeks later.  That water heater was meant for me in this moment, I am pretty sure.  Because God knows I don’t have any more cash for these kinds of things, and that I am working on getting our financial house in order while still paying our tithing on a regular basis.  And God knows that sometimes I feel like no one at church likes me and he sent those ladies to serve me so I could remember to stop eating worms.

At first I was mad about the water heater breaking, but now I know, God just wanted to show me a little love.  And I hope that when your water heater breaks, you have a community like the one I have.  I am so grateful that I have it.

I haven’t really posted anything lengthy or interesting for awhile so here goes….

I have been itching for spring lately.  Just wanting to get out of doors, do some gardening, get some sun in my face.  And my loving Heavenly Father has absolutely blessed me and many other folks here in the Northwest with some flat out gorgeous weather these past few days.  We have taken full advantage of this with going to the zoo yesterday and having a picnic lunch in our backyard today.

There is something about being outside in the sunshine that just allows me to take my life at a slower pace.

As we sat on our blanket in our backyard I just felt peaceful.  As Spider dumped upon the ground an entire bag of Craisins my first reaction was, ‘Seriously?’ and then as I watched the last bits fall, I thought, ‘that really does look kind of neat,’ and I suddenly understood why these people do some of the things that they do.

It really isn’t to make me angry, and it really isn’t always just to get my attention.  They do those things because they are fun, and interesting and they are just exploring their world.  When was the last time I dumped out a bag of quinoa to watch it waterfall down to the ground?  When was the last time I used a unique media combination to create a work of art such as marker on wall or pen on legs?  And when was the last time I used an eyeliner on my face to make angry eyes?  When was the last time my mom told me to clean up styrofoam and then in front of her eyes took a marker to the carpet to make "tracks" for them (the foam pieces)?  They call them children for a reason and I love that they are having the time of their life.

I love watching these people grow.  I love learning about them and seeing the choices that they make. I take pleasure in their funny little quirks and habits.  I love how Spider, my little Person Baby, loves to get under blankets, and today when I walked outside with our picnic, she was already all snuggled in.  I love walking in on her cozied up in my freshly made bed reading the Look (my Mary Kay catalog) and laughing.

It is the little unique day to day experiences that make life so worthwhile, don’t you think?  Rare things, like the moon not being in the sky tonight because of the eclipse or even freshly fallen snow.  Silly things like fourth of July parades.  Wonders of nature like deer showing up in our backyard or undpredictable animal things like this event that we witnessed at the zoo yesterday: (the large goat in the beginning was periodically breaking things up)

And just the wonder that children see in all of it, is so tender so precious, and so worth holding on to.  If we could just be more like them.  I think we’d be lot happier, don’t you?  Well, anyway, I think it is time for me to go take pleasure in bubbles or dumping rice on the ground or maybe even just snuggling in.

Dear Mapquest,

I want to start this letter by thanking you for your many years of service to me.  I am, to put it politely, directionally challenged, and you, you have always been there to guide me.  You’ve been my north star, my guding light, my navigational friend.  I have been spared many a paper cut and painful map folding experiences because of you.  I have saved many a cell-phone minute, by not needing to call for directions, because of you.  We have had some good times, Mapquest. I amvery grateful to you, as many a time, I know I would have been lost without you. 

Excepting of course, the times, I was lost with you… or even because of you…

Unfortunately, dear, sweet Mapquest, as much as I have loved you, I am writing you this letter to let you know that you have been replaced in my life.   Yes, you heard me, you are being let go.  

You live in my computer, Mapquest, and though she is a laptop, my computer can’t go with me everywhere I go.   My computer doesn’t plug into my car and tune into you, Mapquest.  And as much as you give good directions, Mapquest, you do not have a lady voice that gives audible directions.  You have definitely been there for me, but never in my car telling me when I have made a wrong turn.  You don’t give that many alternate routes, Mapquest.  And when was the last time you found me a great parking garage or even some teriyaki, while I was out on the road?

I love you Mapquest.  My love is strong.  But there is a new, stronger love in my life.  BEHOLD!

OH!  Feel the power of the GPS!  So sleek.  So smooth.  So portable and tells-me-where-to-turnable.

Never to be lost again! 

And the giver?  Most, wonderful Charming.  Best Christmas Gift Giver, Charming.  Owns the key to my heart, Charming.  Never to sleep alone again! 

Mapquest, adieu!

I am also grateful for this:

This fine lady was in my backyard this afternoon for a few hours hanging out with a friend of hers.  And I learned something very interesting about deer today– after a doe (maybe buck, too, who knows) decides to umm… relieve herself on your lawn she reaches back and licks herself.  Yes.  The place where the ermm… relief came from.

Hence the title of this post. 

He has been a part of our family for a little over a week now.  He  has stolen my heart with his masculinity and his non-burning of my baked goods.  Behold!  Behold him in all his glory!  Our new oven:

Please ignore the other junk in the kitchen.

Oh!  The love I have for this new oven is immense.  The first day he was here I kept walking by and getting such a good feeling inside.  Infatuation.  Joy.  Elation.  Desire.

Charming is always asking me if he becomes all buff, if I will like him more.  I think I should tell him to become more stainless steel oven-like and see if that works.  Because I am lovin’ my new oven.  So sleek and silver and shiny.  So powerful, yet so gentle on my baked umm… goods. 

Yay!  Oven!  And another picture which is not flattering of me, because everytime I try to look "sexy" in photos I look like a total dork…  But nonetheless, you are all entitled to every bit of ove eye candy that you can get:

I just can’t keep my hands off my oven.

The children insisted on candy the other day.  Feeling generous, I gave them both a whopping two skittles each.  Sugar started tantruming and demanding more.   A more experienced Engineer, sat back and watched.

me: Okay, then give them back.
Sugar: waaaaahhhh! I want more skibbles!
me:I already gave you two, but if you’re unhappy I’ll have them back.
Sugar: waaaahhhhh! I want more skibbles!
me: Sugar, how would you feel if you gave me a present and I said, "waaaaahhhh!  I want more!"  Would you be sad?
Sugar (making pouty sad face): Uh-huh.  (pause)  I want more skibbles!  WAAAAAHHHH!
me: You are making me so sad.
Engineer: I didn’t make you sad!  I just ate my skittles!
Sugar: waaaaaahhhhh!!!!! 

How often do we do this as grown-ups?  How often do we receive bounteous blessing from our Heavenly Father, and rather than being thankful and content, we whine and ask for more?  Sugar didn’t need the skittles, nor did I need to give them to her.  I wanted to give her more, but more wouldn’t have necessarily been good for her.  And I definitely wasn’t going to give her more after she threw that fit.  And yet she was getting something special that she asked for, and didn’t usually get and she was unhappy with it.

I know I do this in my life. I have so many blessings, and few of them are actual "needs" and yet sometimes I still want more.  Sometimes I neglect to be thankful for what I have.  Sometimes I forget that Heavenly Father is in charge, and he wants to bless me, but he does it in the way that is best for me.  Sometimes I am a whiny three year old.

And that’s all I have to say about that.